I love marriage. I think it's my favorite thing ever. Being a newlywed was really hard for me at first, though. I struggled with a lot of things. Below is some of my advice for the newlywed woman.
Being a newlywed is such an exciting time. I can remember when Austin and I were engaged (lol, I say that as if it was years ago and it was two years ago). I remember the few months leading up to the wedding and how excited I got to finally be married to him. I had dreamed of my wedding day for literally years, and was so blessed to find the man I did in Austin.
I received a lot of advice before our wedding. How to handle arguments, how to deal with finances, how to be the "perfect" wife that my husband needs me to be, how to pray for my husband, how to fight battles together, and even sex advice (I was a virgin when I got married for those of you that didn't know!) All of this advice was so awesome, and I loved listening to every word that people said, but since I've been married for almost two years now, I have found that Austin and I had to find our rhythm to dealing with arguments, finances, prayer, battles... all of it.
Marriage is the most beautiful gift that the Lord has ever given me. The concept of love is such a beautiful thing. Love isn't a feeling. It is a daily commitment that I make every single day to my husband. But, that doesn't mean it's always easy.
If you look at my Instagram feed or Facebook profile, you'd see the highlight reel of marriage. You'd see the time that Austin and I went to Magic Kingdom for Mickey's Very Merry Christmas Party or the time that we surprised our families and went home for the holidays, but you wouldn't see the time we got in an argument over moving or not, or the time we sat on our floor sobbing over finances. It's not always easy. It's not everything that is seen on the highlight reel.
Marriage is work. It's not 50/50 either. It's 100/100. You give 100% of yourself to that marriage and you make it work through every trial. I will say, that being now in the second year of marriage, I have so much to learn. We both do. We love getting advice from other married couples who are going on 10, 15, or even 30 years of marriage. But, I have found that in the past few months, we've found our rhythm. We know how to deal with situations, and instead of fighting against each other, we have begun fighting for each other and with each other. The battle is not between us, but against us.
I 100% believe that the saying, "The first year is the hardest" is absolutely true. Austin and I had to constantly show each other grace, but also show ourselves grace. Being married to someone who constantly encourages me and pushes me in my faith with Jesus is the biggest blessing. My prayer always is that people see Jesus in our marriage more than anything else. I remember the days when I prayed for my future husband, and never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined I would meet someone as amazing as Austin.
With all this being said, I have some advice for the engaged or newlywed woman. Here it is:
1. Pray for your husband. I think this is the most important thing you can do for your marriage. If you aren't praying for your husband, you aren't helping your marriage. You're hindering it. Even if you're single, pray for your future husband. If you're engaged, pray for your future husband. If you're a newlywed, pray for your husband. Pray for his faith, for his work, for his relationships with his coworkers, for his attitudes... pray for everything.
2. Pray for yourself. This is also an important thing you can do for your marriage. Pray that God would form you into the woman that God has for you, but also the woman that your husband needs you to be. Pray for your faith, your work, your relationships with your coworkers, your attitudes... everything. Pray that you'd be able to show grace when needed.
3. Be content and okay with the struggles. Always remember that social media is a highlight reel. Don't compare your marriage to your friend's marriage or to other people's marriages. Your marriage is going to grow the way it's supposed to. Be content with where you're at. Be okay with the struggles. Be okay with the learning process.
4. Compromise your needs and wants. This is a two-way street, but be willing to compromise your wants and needs for your spouse. This has happened multiple times in my marriage. It needs to happen in every aspect of marriage. It isn't all about you anymore. Sometimes you have to give up your traditions and plans and wants for your spouse.
5. Spend quality time together. When Austin and I go out on dates, we don't get on our phones unless we have to. My love language is quality time, so Austin knows that sometimes I need that time of his undivided attention. It's important, even essential. There are lots of ways to spend quality time together and one of them happens in the bedroom. That's right... sex. Sex is vital to making a marriage last. The intimacy and closeness of sex is important. It draws you together as a couple. It's the ultimate way to spend quality time together.
6. Learning sex takes time and that's okay. As a virgin when I got married, I struggled a lot with the thought of sex. Not that I didn't want it with Austin, but I had grown up in the Church where sex was always advised against until my wedding night. I made the choice to save myself for marriage in middle school, and am proud that I did save myself for marriage. I found that as we got closer to the wedding, I really began to seek out advice about sex. It was a big deal to me. I mean, I had waited 22 years for sex and was about to give myself fully to the man I love and adore. I was so excited for that intimacy with him, but it was also very intimidating. The biggest question I always had for everyone I asked advice for was, "How do you go from 'no, no, no' for 22 years and then just because we said 'I do' and are married, flip a switch and want sex instantly?". I STRUGGLED y'all. It takes time to figure out what your sex life is going to look like in marriage, and that's okay. Learn together as a couple and grow together as a couple.
7. Don't make divorce an option. This one is HUGE. Don't make it easy to walk out on each other. Marriage is a covenant between you, your spouse and the Lord. A covenant cannot be easily broken, but unfortunately the world we live in has made divorce normal. It should never be something that you and your spouse even think of doing. Don't make walking out on each other an option. Always talk out your fights. Always sleep in the same bed every single night. Don't go to bed angry. Communicate with each other and stay up talking out every argument or disagreement, even if it means you're up until 2 am. It's important.
8. Keep Christ at the center of your marriage. Always rely on God for everything. Pray over everything. Pray together over everything. Do devotions together. Read the Bible together. Keeping Christ at the center of your marriage will always really help with #6 and #7. It draws you together when you are united under Christ. The closer you both are to Christ, the closer you are to each other.
9. Have fun. Marriage is supposed to be fun. Do things together. Go sky diving, deep sea diving, take a paint class. Do fun things. Don't stress over the small things. Just do life together and have fun.
I hope and pray that as newlyweds, you will have an amazing marriage. The marriage is really the fun part, not the wedding. Please feel free to send me an email with any thoughts or if you want to talk more one-on-one. I would love to connect with you! You also can reach out via Instagram or Facebook!
Much love y'all!
-DKG
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