Weird, I know. But stick with me for a second...
Quarantine has been weird. It's been fun at times, lonely at others. It's been frustrating and joyful. It's been disappointing and exciting. I have felt ALL the emotions through this time. I've been stuck at home and out of work for almost two months now (thank you Jesus for unemployment checks, right!?).
I'm a type one on the enneagram. If you haven't heard of the enneagram, let's dive in a second. There are nine different "types" on the enneagram. Each of them has a different meaning and definition behind it. It's a way to discover more about our personalities and why we do things the way we do. A type one is considered to be the perfectionist. Basically to sum it up: I love schedules, lists, filling out my planner, routine, a clean house, making plans, etc. I have exceptionally high standards for myself and others which often feels like criticism or being a perfectionist.
That sounds like a super fun personality to have during a QUARANTINE, right!?
It sucks. I have hated not having a routine of some sort. I have hated not having plans. I have hated feeling like I have no purpose right now because I'm not working or doing anything. I can't go out often because everything is closed. With things reopening in Florida, it has started to get better. But I have found that during this time, I have been extremely self-critical. Maybe you can relate to this, or maybe you can't. Either way, let me tell you what my dirty dishes taught me last night at 10 pm.
I will admit that I have not kept our apartment the cleanest it's ever been during this time which is so strange because I have the most time to keep it clean right now. I've really struggled to find motivation to do the dishes or laundry or clean the bathroom, which in turn makes me feel like a bad spouse.
I hate that. I hate that our society has painted this picture of what the "perfect wife" is supposed to look like. Let me tell you who she is: she always dresses up, even if she's staying home all day, and always does her hair and makeup. She may make healthy meals for each meal of the day, or she may always have baked goods in a container. She never has dishes sitting in her sink. Her laundry room is perfectly clean. Do you know her? I bet you thought of someone. We all know someone like that. Someone that we wish we were more like. Someone that is so organized and always seems like she has her life put together. You know... the woman who takes the pasta and cereal out of the boxes and puts them into cute labeled containers in her perfectly organized pantry.
Now let me tell you who I am: I hardly wear makeup or do my hair (I wash it maybe two to three times a week at most). I don't get dressed up if I'm staying home. I let dishes pile high in my sink before I finally decide to do them sometimes. My bathroom isn't always clean. My pantry doesn't have cute labeled containers. I leave the pasta and cereal in their boxes. My laundry room is typically riding the hot mess express. I try to make healthy meals, but sometimes I throw a pizza in the oven too that I go buy from Aldi because I have nothing planned or forgot to take meat out. According to the standards of society, I would not be the "role model" of a wife.
Being super self-critical, there are many times I wonder if I'm doing enough for my husband. Am I cleaning the kitchen enough? Are we eating healthy enough? Do I do laundry enough? Last night, around 10 pm, I decided to do the dishes very randomly. The dishwasher was clean, so I emptied it and then decided to just clean my entire kitchen. I always turn on worship music while I'm doing the dishes because it's a really great time for me to worship Jesus.
I don't put everything in the dishwasher so I put my favorite Dawn dish soap in the sink and filled it with hot water. I was washing what felt like millions of dishes when the song, "Who You Say I Am" came on by Hillsong Worship. I was singing, when all of a sudden I stopped. I just stopped everything and listening to the lyrics of that song. I stared at my dishes. Filling the sink. My dishes taught me something.
They taught me that I need to give more grace. To myself and others. This is something I have struggled with my entire life. My mom and dad would probably agree with me. I have always been very hard on myself and people. I set expectations for myself, and in turn, I expect others to reach those expectations too. I don't try to do it on purpose. It just kinda happens.
My dishes reminded me that I need to give more grace. I need to show more grace. I'm not a bad wife just because I didn't do the dishes for two days. I'm not a bad wife just because we order pizza. I'm not a bad wife just because I binge-watch Grey's Anatomy on Netflix for an entire day and getting nothing done. It's okay to not have the dishes done all the time.
If you're like me, and feeling like you're a bad wife (or mom for some of you) just because the dishes are dirty in an overflowing sink, give yourself grace. It's okay.
Because here's what is more important than having a clean kitchen: your husband (and maybe kids) knowing that you love them. Your family knowing that you'd do anything for them. Your family knowing that you have an unconditional love for them. There are more important things than having a clean kitchen, and my dishes reminded me of that last night as I washed them. I'm not a bad wife just because I don't have the kitchen perfectly clean all the time. My husband knows I love him with a love that can only come from Jesus and that is the most important thing to me. If he doesn't measure his love by how clean I keep the house, then why do I even put those thoughts in my head?
Don't get caught up in the little things of life like that. You will always have dirty dishes. There will always be laundry. There will always be cleaning that can be done, but there won't always be little moments with your family. There won't always be quarantine where you can spend endless amounts of time with the people you love. It's okay. The dishes can wait another day.
-DKG
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